Excess of gifts on Three Kings Day overstimulates children and reduces illusion.
- Top Doctors’ experts explain that there are no rules regarding the number of gifts, but that the key is to know how to feed the children’s illusion.
- The little ones are so full of material gifts that they are not able to connect with the emotion that corresponds to these dates and do not value the details.
- Sometimes parents’ expectations exceed those of the children and generate in them needs that did not exist until then.
The more toys the less illusion. This is a maxim shared by psychologists and pediatricians and which, they warn, must be taken into account when the Three Wise Men arrive in order to avoid frustration for both children and parents on such a special day. This is a direct physical consequence “the excess of gifts can even lead to total apathy, causing children to lose their enthusiasm due to an excess of positive stimuli, a state that can also reduce their level of tolerance to frustrations,” says Dr. Gonzalo Oliván, Head of Pediatrics and Adolescence at the Aragonese Institute of Social Services and member of Top Doctors®.
Children lose the ability to focus on a single gift and enjoy it fully, and the emotion disperses, until it disappears. And then come the protests “I didn’t want this”, “they didn’t bring me this other one”, “I did want this one, but not anymore…”. Therefore, specialists recommend setting limits from the very moment of writing the letter to the Three Wise Men, “It is necessary to talk about it and try to coordinate it even with the rest of the family and friends. You have to keep in mind that during this holiday season, not only the Three Wise Men come, but Santa Claus also arrives with gifts at all the family’s homes… Children lose the ability to value detail,” she explains.
Knowing how to manage children’s (and parents’) expectations
Experts assure that children do not get frustrated by not being able to receive everything they have asked for. On the contrary, acceding to their demands can turn them into continually dissatisfied adults. That is why it is necessary to manage children’s expectations beforehand, explaining to them that there is a ‘maximum’ of gifts that Their Majesties ‘can carry’. This dialogue must exist, because until they are 9 or 10 years old, children are not able to choose among so much diversity and offer. Dr. Luzdivina, a pediatrician and member of Top Doctors®, advises some tips when it comes to setting limits. “There are some formulas to fall back on, such as explaining to children that each Wise Man brings only one gift, or that they leave one at each house (from grandparents, aunts, uncles…). It’s amazing how children can reason and adapt to these adjustments without any problem”.
Managing parental expectations, sometimes even higher than the children’s, is another variable in the equation. In fact, they can generate needs in the youngest children that they didn’t have or hadn’t even considered before. “The effort involved in giving them everything they ask for or surprising them with something that goes beyond that can become a compensatory mechanism, because seeing them enjoy themselves makes us happy,” says the doctor. “However, the emotionality of these holidays should not compromise the family economy. We must get rid of the erroneous idea that children’s happiness lies in the amount or the economic amount”.
There are no quantity rules. The key is to know how to nurture the child’s excitement.
The real key is to help the child to decide on something specific that makes him/her very excited and to encourage it. Instead of going over our heads in search of the ideal gift -because it is more or less practical or more or less didactic- we have to turn Christmas into a magical moment that children look forward to, knowing how to encourage enthusiasm, not only during the month of December, but throughout the rest of the year.
Dr. Natalia García Campos, psychologist at Psikids, a center specializing in psychology and psychiatry for children and adolescents, and member of Top Doctors® tells her experience “We often come across cases of children who, instead of holding a list of presents with their eyes full of excitement, are frustrated because they don’t know what to ask for. They are already so inundated with material gifts, which come to them for no particular reason, that they are not able to connect with the emotion that belongs to these dates”. This is where the parents’ continuous work comes into play, to teach their children to appreciate the effort behind every detail and, when these dates come, to maintain the mystery and generate the context for the illusion to grow.
As for older children, although we must continue to nurture that emotion, they already have a maturity that allows them to choose with greater criteria and, according to the doctor, we must take advantage of this to make them participate in the family economic reality and transmit family values. “Children are extremely intelligent and it is the duty of parents to instill in them good sense, social feeling and, as far as possible and without transmitting too many adult worries, to make them understand the family reality”.
Characteristics of gifts according to the age of the little ones
According to pediatricians, for the youngest children, some basic parameters can be established regarding the most appropriate type of toy according to the child’s age:
– Children under 2 years of age hardly need toys and those given as gifts should favor psychomotor stimulation, language maturation and sociability.
– Between 2 and 5 years old, toys that stimulate imagination, memory and manual skills are recommended.
– In the school stage, games that require rules and other players in order to develop mental reasoning are very appropriate.
– Reading should be encouraged at all ages.
– Regarding electronic toys, they provide them with skills that will be very useful in the future, but we must limit the time spent on their enjoyment.
To enjoy these dates, it is not necessary to adjust to a certain guide of how and how much should be given to children, since there will always be formulas that adapt to our circumstances or manage to justify our actions. “Whether it is too much or too little will always be relative; what must prevail is good sense”.