Emotional dependence means not being able to feel reassurance, security or calm being alone, that would be the clearest picture of emotional dependence. It is similar, in a way, to dependence on a substance: without that substance the person feels unable to cope with day-to-day life. Relationship-focused dependence has its own brain chemistry.
Why does this type of dependence occur?
It is a bit long to explain – just like substance dependence – it usually stems from problems in the earliest bonds, that is, in the relationship with attachment figures (the adults in charge) during childhood. This dependency can be something that the person, as an adult, identifies with deficiencies in childhood, but it can also occur without this identification of deficiencies, that is to say, without the awareness of this deficiency, since, for example, it can come from problems in the bond in pre-verbal moments (problems during pregnancy, during childbirth, in upbringing and many other circumstances). Just because something has not been seen does not mean that it does not exist. Emotional regulation (the ability to feel secure or calm) is something learned through regulation provided by adults during childhood. Anxious and worried parents do not usually produce calm and regulated people.
How can a person with emotional dependence be identified?
If you are not able to be calm (emotionally regulated) without being accompanied, if you prefer to be in relationships that produce more harm than benefit, if your emotions depend on having company or not, or if you are aware of someone’s Whatsapp status or social networks and that affects your emotional state, there is probably an emotional dependence.
What are the differences between love and dependence?
Well, another question we could be talking about for hours, but we could summarize the answer in something very simple. The feeling of love, in a relationship between equals, usually has to do with reciprocity, empathy, respect for the individuality of each component of the couple. Love does not cause suffering, dependence does. It is easy to distinguish suffering from peace. Love is related to fullness, dependence to lack. Another thing is what each one of us can say about our relationships. And we are not talking about romantic love, but about reciprocal love, in which there may be difficulties, crises, but with the values and characteristics I mentioned before.
How can emotional dependence be ended?
Psychological therapy helps to become aware of this type of problem, to process the experiences that lead to this dependence, to develop personal resources to overcome this “addiction”. There are many possibilities, techniques and resources to get out of it.