The specialist in Clinical Psychology and Europsy accredited Psychotherapist, Esther Miralpeix, explains below what couple psychotherapy consists of and what causes can motivate us to carry it out.
Most common problems between couples
When communication fails within a couple, problems arise that affect the relationship; there may be arguments that lead nowhere or there may be silences that are no less painful. This breakdown in communication usually occurs because one partner feels that the other has “failed” him or her in something. The loss of trust and the disappointment caused by the other, if dialogue is not possible, lead to a breakdown in communication in the form of arguments or silences and its worst consequence, the distancing that can lead to a total breakup of the couple.
We must also understand that the couple has times and moments that can test its solidity: the birth of children, when the children become independent, etcetera. Also circumstances in the life of each of the members of the couple (changes in the work, concern for the respective families…).
What does a couple therapy consist of? Is there any practical session? Is it always carried out as a couple?
When a couple decides to consult is because they want to save their relationship. Couples therapy always takes place with both partners together during the sessions, which usually last 1 hour and 30 minutes. The duration of couples therapy depends on the problem that arises, it can range from a few sessions to several months.
Talking with a qualified professional allows each partner to expose his or her feelings and points of view, but also to listen to the feelings and point of view of the other. In the first sessions the therapist asks specific questions to help define the situation and set goals between the therapist and the couple. Each of the components of the couple has “their truth” and “their version”. Throughout the treatment, the therapist will help, with his verbal interventions, to bring these two “truths” closer together so that each can tune in to the “truth” of the other. Obviously, each of the two will have to make changes in their behavior, so that both points of view are brought closer together.
At what point is it advisable to go to couples therapy to solve the problem?
Normally, one of the partners is the one who makes the decision to consult and tells the other. If you both agree to consult a therapist.
There is no specific time to make this decision which happens when the situation becomes untenable and painful and you do not want the breakup to happen.
What do you do when one of you is not engaging in collaborative behavior?
Sometimes, one of the two is not willing to agree to go through couples counseling. In that case, individual therapy would be considered. The member of the couple who decides to consult will find relief from their personal situation through therapy, which will make them feel better, but also, by broadening their view of the situation through individual therapy, it may produce modifications in their relationship that will improve the relationship.