Behaviors that may alert parents that their child is being bullied

When is a child considered to be suffering from bullying?

I think it is important to point out that the word “bullying” is appearing more and more frequently in the media and in our colloquial language. There are multiple definitions of what bullying is, in all of them we can observe several common factors. We say that a child is suffering bullying when there is an aggressive behavior towards him/her, either physical and/or verbal, with the intention of humiliating or subduing, maintained over time and away from an adult view by a person or group of people and in which an imbalance of power is produced.

Historically, the focus has always been on the aggressor’s relationship with the victim, but other factors also come into play, such as the presence of bystanders, which can often encourage the aggressor to perpetuate the abusive behavior on the victim.

Bullying generates negative consequences in all the agents involved in the action, not only in the child who suffers it as you ask me in the question. I think that a system view is interesting, since the aggressor(s) and bystanders are also vulnerable to suffer socialization patterns that may have consequences in the future.

Visibilization campaigns on bullying are important to make known the experiences of people who have suffered it and the consequences that it entails.

Bullying is a term that is becoming more and more normalized in society, but it should be noted that not every situation of conflict between peers is bullying. In clinical and school practice we very often encounter a misuse of this concept. Not all conflict situations between children are bullying, if we succumb to this, we run the risk of minimizing or distorting the term bullying.

Are there different types of bullying?

There are different types of bullying, a possible classification would be as follows:

• Physical abuse: involves physical violence of any kind.
• Verbal abuse: involves verbal acts that lead to belittle or discriminate against the bullied with insults, nicknames, threats and taunts.
• Relational-social abuse: are those actions carried out to exclude, ignore, remove the victim from the peer group.
• Cyberbullying: bullying using technologies such as the Internet, cell phones, social networks to harass indirectly and sometimes anonymously.

What kind of behaviors can alert parents that their child is being bullied?

Behaviors of avoidance of going to school (expression of somatizations, physical complaints prior to going to school, such as headaches, tummy aches are frequent), sudden changes in usual routines or mood swings.

Other warning signs are:

• Difficulty falling asleep or frequent nightmares.
• Drop in school grades
• Loss of interest in schoolwork
• Sudden loss of friends or desire to avoid social situations
• Decreased communication at home
• Feelings of helplessness or decreased self-esteem, which may take the form of anger at home, temper tantrums, etc.

When parents suspect that their child is being bullied, what kind of advice can be useful to get the child to talk about it?

Save the children proposes this decalogue, which seems to me to be very appropriate and accurate:

1. Observe the child: try to be aware of changes in mood and behavior, motivation to study, frequent minor illnesses such as stomach aches or headaches.
2. Listen and dialogue with them: Children almost never lie about these issues. It is important to listen to what they have experienced and how they feel, without judging them.
3. Keep calm: It is important to be serene and adopt an attitude of understanding and attention, transmitting security and tranquility.
4. Tell him/her that he/she is not guilty of anything: everyone has the right to be protected against any form of violence and to be treated with respect.
5. Reinforce their self-esteem: help them to recognize their abilities, skills and the great effort they have made to ask for help.
6. Communicate the situation to the school: it is important that the school is aware of the situation and maintains continuous communication and collaboration with them.
7. Give him/her the opportunity to expand his/her group of friends: Activities outside the school give him/her the opportunity to interact with other boys and girls of his/her age.
8. Maintain good communication based on trust: this will make it easier for them to come to you in case they receive any content or invitation that causes them discomfort or discomfort.
9. Recommend to your son or daughter not to respond to aggressions and in case of suspecting that a situation of cyberbullying is taking place, try to save the messages as evidence, block the sender or report the case.