Sexual satisfaction is influenced by emotional factors that should be evaluated and studied in consultation with the specialist in Psychology.
These emotional factors may be related to interpersonal problems in the couple’s relationship which, in turn, may be related to communication problems: not talking about what is going on, what each of them likes or dislikes, how it makes them feel, when they would like to have sex, etc. And in all of this there can sometimes be a lack of “trust” to know that expressing all this will be “empathically listened to”, which means that the other person can listen without judgment, with curiosity and acceptance in everything the couple wants to tell about the sexual relationship.
What underlying factors may be behind sexual dissatisfaction?
It is through empathic listening in therapy that the “underlying” factors that may be hiding behind the symptoms are usually found. The most frequent psychological sexual consultation in women are:
- Vaginismus: muscle spasms that hinder or prevent vaginal penetration.
- Dyspareunia: pain during intercourse.
- Anorgasmia: difficulty or impossibility to feel orgasm.
These symptoms are often due to a normative approach of what “should be done, felt, how and when” that, many times, due to the education received and social pressure, generates rigid and limiting expectations of “how I should feel is this” and, if the person does not feel this way, he/she comes to feel that “something is not right in him/herself”.
How to overcome “impositions” and fully enjoy sex?
If anything is at the antipodes of sexual enjoyment it is “impositions” and rarely can sex be enjoyed from there.
In therapy what is done is to inquire, creating a safe environment so that, with patience, the causes of the blockage can come to light. When I believe that “I have to achieve something” it is usual that an alert response may be activated, due to the fear of not achieving it. However, in this way it is highly probable that, from this alertness, the focus is diverted from the bodily sensations of pleasure towards a hypervigilance that is concerned with supervising the “achievements”.
During the sessions, patients will be encouraged to use techniques such as “sensory focusing” so that, from a respectful approach with their body and with their own empathic listening, they allow themselves to feel, with curiosity, whatever is happening at that moment. From there, let yourself flow until, without chasing it, the biological and automatic response that was being hijacked by the “demand” arrives. Pleasure and enjoyment will come naturally, with subsequent lubrication and relaxation of the vaginal muscles to resolve the problem.