Understanding another person and offering support is an expression of deep affection for the one who opens up to us and exposes all his or her emotional complexity. Empathy does not always have to indicate a necessary similarity of opinion and it is likely that, at times, arguments may not be fully shared or justified.
Therefore, empathic situations are a real labyrinth in which one must have the capacity and ability to be able to move away from one’s own point of view and approach that of the other. Listening to and understanding the problems of others also improves our social relationships, but what if we are too empathetic? Do we run the risk of assuming the problems of others as our own?
Cultivating empathy in a healthy way
To help and empathize with someone is to know how to listen and pay attention to their verbal arguments, but also to the non-verbal language of their gestures and attitudes; not to interrupt and to leave the protagonism to the one who reflects looking for some external feedback: nodding, looking into the eyes and being calm can help to enter into complex details.
Cultivating empathy means observing over offering. When someone expresses themselves in a conversation it is important to pick up all the signs of their message: intonation, response time, volume, rhythm of words, facial gestures.
All this gives us important information that allows us to be congruent with our answers.
Something fundamental is to know if someone is looking for help or just relief is key. Solutions should not be offered unless someone asks for them or needs them.
A virtue if not in excess
But what happens when in this interaction process when someone suffers from excessive empathy? The social relationship usually occurs in several steps:
- a first perception
- a recognition
- a response to the emotions indicated.
Undoubtedly, a procedure that requires connection and concentration.
Those who are overly empathic personalities are, in turn, very impressionable people. This causes a profound exhaustion, considering that they almost always start from the position of caregivers or “listeners”. This compassion fatigue not only causes physical and emotional exhaustion, but can also lead to a risk of becoming emotionally disconnected from themselves, taking on the problems of others as their own.
Throughout the day, energy levels are progressively reduced and, with them, our capacity to listen and pay attention. Although we should not understand it so much as “spending” empathy, but rather as “investing” in empathy, that is, not abandoning those who need us, but reserving quality time for them without interrupting our vital functioning.
Let us learn to control our empathy
Just as it is important to listen, when you need to, stop listening. Set aside time for solitude and introspection and establish that everyone respects that bubble. Disconnecting from the outside is a way to connect with the inside, without needing to seek help from anyone else.
It is important to know how to say “no”. Empathizing with someone should not mean that we agree to everything they propose, and you should make that clear from the beginning so as not to act out of compassion. Empathy is an exercise of respect, attention and presence that does not force anyone to leave everything aside to reach out to someone else.
Your own well-being is nurtured by a balanced empathy in which you have established boundaries for interpersonal relationships and prioritized your own feelings over those of others.