Throughout the voice feminization training we go through three phases that lead us little by little towards assimilation, personalization and naturalization of the new voice. The last phase is usually the most complex and can last several weeks or even months.
This phase will depend on how everything acquired in terms of the new vocal dynamics has been assimilated, taking into account, of course, the learning capacity of each person.
Thus, the duration, complexity and acceptance of the automation phase within the voice feminization training is different for each person. Therefore, it is important to understand that, although I propose a ten-session vocal training, this automation phase may sometimes extend beyond the training.
What does the automation phase of the new voice consist of?
We refer to a personal phase that requires great discipline, persistent attention and a great awareness of the new vocal gesture.
It is a phase that can be short, especially in young people who have not yet fully assimilated a masculine vocal gesture, and conversely, it can be longer in people who have acquired a masculine vocal dynamic or habit over the years. However, the good news is that sooner or later, this phase of automation always comes.
Sometimes it is necessary to do some psychological and emotional awareness work to ensure the assimilation of the new voice. I often work with people who deeply reject their new voice in a totally unconscious way, which generates a great deal of frustration and ends up hindering the automation phase. The latter is what I call “the impostor voice phase.”
“I have the feeling that I am not the same person when I use this voice.”
Approximately 20% of my patients who undertake a voice feminization process go through this phase. The imposter voice syndrome is defined by the feeling of having a new voice that does not belong to them. Patients feel that they are playing at being someone else when they talk to people around them such as friends or family members. They have the feeling that this new voice does not reflect who they really are.
This feeling is very disappointing because, in fact, from the first session you idealize, you have expectations, hopes, goals, and sometimes this phase causes a deep disappointment, not towards the desired voice, but towards yourself.
Throughout my career, I can remember only two cases in which, after 15 sessions, these people decided to turn back. Not having the same voice (the change generated by the vocal training was noticeable), this person decided to move back to a vocal scheme close to the one he/she had at the beginning of the vocal training.
It is very important to keep in mind that, in the whole process of identity modification of the voice, it is necessary to respect a very deep and particular element: the vocal personality. Moreover, vocal personality and vocal identity must be distinguished. Vocal personality, on the one hand, is the way in which we express our perception of the world in relation to our own unique ability to express our emotions.
On the other hand, vocal identity is the social reflection of the person we are in the face of an imposing environment of vocal beliefs that we have to respect.
Namely, the union between identity and vocal personality provokes in us a balance and harmony that leads to an intense feeling of well-being when we express ourselves. And that is indeed what we want to achieve with voice feminization training. In fact, I think that I could not train my patients’ voices without taking into account their global and vocal personality. Moreover, I would go so far as to say that if I did not take these elements into account, it would be as if I wanted to start a car with no engine.
Evidently, vocal identity, which is intended to satisfy a social expectation in search of valorization or acceptance, cannot find the perfect balance if the vocal personality is not taken into account.
The impostor voice syndrome is a reflection of a mismatch between the development of identity through vocal training and the expression of vocal personality through self-expression.
Automate my new voice or go backwards?
The real question is the following: what to do during situations in which the patient has the feeling of using a voice that does not belong to her, with which she does not identify, encountering difficulties of assimilation or personalization?
Here the most important thing is to understand that the goal of vocal training is to meet the patient’s expectations, helping her to find a vocal harmony and balance with which she feels totally identified and reciprocated. In other words, the aim is not to force the patient to use a voice with which she feels uncomfortable, but to help her discover the corresponding balance so that she can naturally express her emotions while respecting both her global and vocal personality and her search for the expression of her identity.
Most of the time, the impostor voice syndrome manifests itself when the patient begins to use the new voice or when she starts to apply everything she has learned during the sessions in her daily life. It is true that, starting from a phase of exaggeration, the first attempts are often unnatural because of the lack of constancy. But this is part of the way and usually regularizes quite quickly.
I have come across the case that, despite having a quite feminine, melodic voice, with a very feminine intonation scheme, the patients did not feel at all identified with their new vocal gesture and longed for their previous voice. So, secretly, they resorted to their previous voice with the aim of creating disappointment in them and in me.
It is essential, in this type of phase, to refer to the difficulty faced by the patient: a feeling of imposture. It is through communication and the expression of these difficulties that together we find the balance and the solution corresponding to the patient’s deepest and most intimate expectations. All this with the aim of being able to identify with the way she expresses herself.
At this point, namely:
- Move towards the automation of the new voice (which seems to be the best option but is not always the case).
- To go backwards, that is, to go back to the initial expression of the identity at the vocal level, giving priority to the expression of the vocal personality, of the emotions, of the emotional self, eliminating the social vocal identity, in order to facilitate much more the acceptance and the valorization of the person at the social, family and professional level.
Of course, the decision is made by the patient. I, as a guide, as a friendly speech therapist, am there to assist, support, accompany my patient in her choice, but above all, I am there to reduce the anxiety, frustration and overwhelm involved in the whole process of an impostor voice.