Why does not being able to hug or physical contact in general affect us so much?
Since we are born, to bond, to feel warm, protected and safe, we need skin-to-skin contact.
The containment we receive through each hug provokes in the newborn human being a sense of his own identity and at the same time of belonging to the other. For this reason, throughout our lives, the embrace constitutes an essential psychological nourishment for our emotional survival.
To learn to hug, we must have been hugged.
Since Covid19 appeared in our lives, we have had to make a conscious effort not to embrace, because embracing is something instinctive in our way of bonding.
We have to understand and assume that as long as this pandemic is not over, hugging now is dangerous, so we must fight against our own nature, think about our every move when we are in front of someone very dear to us and withdraw, turn away instead of hugging.
NOT hugging is actually painful and traumatic, but nowadays it is essential to preserve our life.
Can we use other alternatives to show affection to our loved ones without hugging?
But not being able to hug and having to avoid physical proximity does not mean that we stop being affectionately attached and giving our loved ones all our love.
Our presence in the lives of others is something that no one can prohibit, only the medium changes, the way we do it.
This pandemic is forcing us to grow and improve our affective communication.
Thanks to technology, we have many ways to connect, accompany and “be” with others.
We can perfectly replace physical hugs, making use of words, gestures, details, being more aware of the expression of our gaze, the tone of voice we use, even the sound of our breathing and the message conveyed by our body posture.
Socially we have to change the established conventions of greeting, we now touch each other with our elbows or the tip of our toes, or we beat our chest with a fist, pointing to our heart, thus transmitting our affection. Our facial expression is limited by the masks, but our eyes can express anything, any emotion.
Can people suffering from anxiety be more affected by the lack of affectionate displays such as hugs?
People suffering from anxiety and depression may be more affected by the lack of affection and the absence of physical contact, as their internal warning signals and sense of threat are of greater proportions.
The symptoms derived from anxiety (self-centeredness, restlessness, palpitations, feeling of knots, hyperventilation, etc.) cause psychological exhaustion and a greater sense of helplessness.
It is not always easy for those suffering from anxiety and depression to ask for help, or to explain how vulnerable they feel, so it is up to those close to them to make an exercise of intuition, patience and empathy, to approach them, accompany them, relieve their loneliness and support them in seeking professional help if necessary.
How can we cope if people who have died during the pandemic situation are not around at Christmas?
Another group of people who are especially vulnerable this Christmas are those who have lost loved ones, who are going through a grieving process.
To mourn, usually tears us apart, requires much of our psychic energy, but in this pandemic, the circumstances in which many deaths have occurred, (suddenly, without the possibility of saying goodbye or accompanying in the hospital, without group funerals, without receiving direct comfort), are causing even more if possible in the bereaved, a greater emptiness and the risk of developing complicated grief. So, if in your immediate environment there are people in these circumstances, take care to offer them your company, solidarity and support, listen to them and respect their wish, for example, of not wanting to make any kind of celebration, show yourself unconditional and make a respectful accompaniment but full of generosity and love.
And in the case of family members with whom we will not be able to meet due to health security?
In general, this time of Christmas and the end of the year, it will be important to leave a space for personal reflection, for unburdening, but above all it is time to care, to embrace from a distance, but with intention, to take care that no one feels alone and to be thankful for life, for health and for all that those who have left us have left us.
This year, more than saying Merry Christmas, we will be able to say, even if we are not completely happy, may love not be lacking!