In this article we are going to talk about a situation that can affect many people, but in different ways. All these people will have in common a fact: their partner has left them, but we have to differentiate how each one faces this situation, depending on their previous personality.
In every human being there is an affective and social dependence. This can be a normal and healthy component, even necessary for life as a couple. Even so, in some cases of love breakup, depending on the degree of dependence, we would find ourselves in front of a harmful affective dependence that prevents us from continuing with our life.
The moment of the breakup can be a good moment to consider what is really happening to us and to be able to evaluate what kind of relationship we had with our partner. Analyze what personal situations this new situation awakens in us and what fears appear (fear of loneliness, social rejection, etc.).
How to manage a breakup?
It is common that our social environment takes our side and makes us see that the relationship we had was not really healthy. However, the person who has been dumped feels depressed and tearful. Fear of loneliness and low self-esteem predominate in their thoughts, continually devaluing themselves, or even idealizing their ex-partner. Depending on the degree of emotional dependence, the person may be more or less able to realize whether the relationship that has just broken up was really beneficial for him/her or not.
The person with an intense emotional dependence will find it more difficult to resist going back to his or her partner even if the relationship is harmful to him or her. Sometimes, someone may talk about the separation being real and total, when in fact he or she continues to have daily contact with his or her partner.
When to consult a psychologist?
Consulting a professional at the time of a relationship breakup would be appropriate. Through therapy, the psychologist can help the person to go through the grieving process that represents the loss of a loved one, in this case the lost partner. It will be necessary to analyze the degree of affective dependence; to see if perhaps the dependence does not appear only in their partner relationships but also in other types of relationships (friendship or family).
In the case of the emotionally dependent person, an excessive need for affection predominates, which sometimes leads him/her to deny the evidence of some information provided by the environment, thus deceiving him/herself in order to be able to continue an obviously harmful relationship. It is also common for affectively dependent persons to seek a certain type of partner who tends to humiliate them and they may become victims of situations that undermine their self-esteem. Affectively dependent persons are characterized by the manifestation of addictive behaviors in the interpersonal relationship, based on a dependent attitude in relation to the subject on whom they depend. Affectively dependent people are usually emotionally vulnerable and tend to choose exploitative partners. In these cases, psychological help is more necessary than ever because a tendency of the emotional dependent promotes the repetition of the same pattern of behavior: he/she will look for one partner after another. By tending to look for a similar type of people, a partner-breakup pattern with significant emotional toll is produced.