We have been living in home confinement for several weeks now. We are in a constant process of adaptation and conciliation. As parents, our priority is to help our sons and daughters cope with this exceptional moment in life.
How can we help them?
By offering them closeness, giving them our affection, listening to them, understanding them, supporting them and encouraging them to continue their evolutionary development (physical, intellectual, emotional, social). Let them be sure that we will do everything in our power to help them. We are responsible for preventing that it does not affect them negatively. And we can make them see this time as an opportunity to grow and learn together.
To help them continue their evolutionary development, it is convenient to establish and maintain a weekly routine and a different one for the weekend in which they feel that we are there, that they can count on us at all times. This will give them security and peace of mind. Within the routine, we must keep in mind aspects such as intellectual and physical activity, emotional management and family and social contact both at home and virtually.
As for the emotions that our sons and daughters can feel, they are very diverse, just like the ones we can feel. They usually express them through their behavior (more or less active, crying, shouting, silences), their corporal expression (their easy expression, their movements) or they can even verbalize them. It is necessary to take into account the evolutionary stage in which they are.
In children under 4 years of age, they are more likely to express what they feel with their behavior: restlessness, apathy, irritability, crying. From 5 years of age, in addition to expressing them bodily, they can verbalize those with which they are more familiar, such as anxiety or nervousness, sadness, irritability, anger, fear, boredom.
In the routine, we can find situations and emotions difficult to manage. Even if we think that the children are adapting very well, that they are fine at home, it is very important to be attentive to how they feel in these situations.
Some examples of peculiar situations within the routine can be:
- If we observe restlessness, nervousness or apathy, they may feel overwhelmed, they may feel the need for fresh air. Let’s take the time to explain to them that this situation will pass and there will come a time when they will be able to go out. Ask them and let them express themselves, listen carefully to what they would like to be doing, what they miss and would like to do when they leave. So when we can and what we can, we will try to do it. As long as they feel secure that during this time they receive the best we have at home, our affection, support and understanding.
- If there are situations that generate stress, for example, if it is difficult for them to do their homework or when it is time to get dressed, hygiene and/or feeding, before insisting them to do their homework, let us think and manage our own emotions: how do we feel, what do we want them to do for their well-being, how do we think they are going to respond to us? Let us prepare ourselves to motivate them with the certainty that what we want them to do is for their emotional well-being and let us say it with affection, calm, patience and understanding. Let’s be flexible and not pretend to do things perfectly. It is very important to praise each activity they do. In this way, we will get them to keep the routine and in the following occasions, it will be less difficult for them to do them.
- If there are times when we cannot give them our attention, for example because we have to work, take calls, do household chores, go shopping, we must explain to them why we cannot attend to them. We can offer alternatives that generate pleasant emotions and thus combat boredom, overwhelm, sadness, fear or irritability, how to perform creative activities (costumes, theaters, drawing, stories, puzzles …). It is important to limit the use of audiovisual media. At the end of what we have to do, give them our attention again. From the age of 7-8 years, they are acquiring the notion of time so it will give them security to know when we will be with them again.
In addition, if we have to leave home, we must explain to them that we will take care of ourselves so as not to get sick by taking the necessary safety measures. This will help them manage the fear and anxiety they may feel.
In order to help them manage the emotions they feel when they are locked up at home, we must dedicate an “emotional time” every day. Some tools to work on emotions can be: stories, drawing, coloring, video, movies with emotional content, expression through dance. And very important, to offer them words and gestures of affection, so that they feel our affection.
Our sons and daughters know that the current situation is different. They are at home and have no contact with the outside world except for the information they may hear from the media or from their face-to-face and virtual environment.
To manage and prevent them from becoming overwhelmed by the change in the social environment, it is important to select the information that reaches them. Do not give them more than they can process at their age or what they wish to receive. Ask them what they know about COVID-19, what doubts they have, what they want to know, what they miss, what they would like to be doing, what they feel, understand their emotions and encourage them to do activities that make them feel calm.
If we parents face confinement by being attentive to the emotions we experience at home, I understand that it is normal to sometimes feel sadness, fear, overwhelm, boredom, irritability, that they see in us that we can handle them, generating illusion and hope, we will make our sons and daughters learn to handle theirs in these and future situations.
How can we explain to them that parents are positive in Covid-19?
To explain if the parent is Covid-positive, first of all we have to take into account the age of our children. Before the age of 6, their cognitive level is not yet ready to assimilate information about medical diseases. From the age of 7-8, they begin to understand a little more about illness and death. And it is at 9-10 years of age when they acquire the concept of irreversibility of death.
On the other hand, how to explain it to them? The information should be simple, reassuring, so that they perceive that the situation is under control, that they will be fine, that what can be done for them will be done and that their father or mother will receive the care and help they need, whether at home, in an isolated room or in the hospital. Give them the opportunity to ask questions but limit the information we feel they can process. As much as possible, have them communicate by video call whether they are at home or in the hospital to calm their desire to see their parent. And above all, be very attentive to the emotions they may feel to help them manage them.