Desire is something that, over the years, has to be worked on. After the initial “falling in love” stage, desire is more difficult to obtain. Desire is linked to newness, surprise, adventure, never to everyday life, security and day-to-day life. By means of some strategies this desire can be worked on to improve the quality of life of the couple.
In the beginning of a couple’s relationship, work is not necessary, desire and motivation work by themselves. We speak of the stage of “falling in love” where the chemistry of our brain takes care of everything.
It is later when we must already do to obtain. And after a more or less long stage, to do to obtain costs and sometimes it costs a lot.
What is desire?
Desire is closely linked to surprise, to the new… never to the everyday, to the sure thing or to the day to day. For the desire to arise by itself it must be with these characteristics: new, surprise, adventure… But this does not mean that we cannot work on it to obtain that desire that can be even better than the first one.
How to work on desire?
Many times I tell couples who come to my office: “Desire does not come down from the sky one Tuesday afternoon on the couch after 10 years as a couple, we can not wait or there will be nowhere to get it” The myth that desire if you love the other person arises after years of relationship makes couples do not work, they sit waiting for the day that their desire resurfaces to return to the beginning of the relationship.
To work the loss or lack of desire, you must first see in what vital moment is the couple. And the individuals that form it, if they want to recover that desire or the desire is an excuse, the tip of the iceberg of other more complex couple problems. Once this is analyzed, we must continue to investigate what attracted us so much of the other, what we liked to do, how we did it, where, at what times … and start without the full desire to perform activities, to seek moments, to abandon the thoughts of “I’m tired” “I do not feel like today” “first the problems” and so on.
Through different strategies we try to work to have a better quality of life as a couple, sexual life and of course life in general.