It is difficult to imagine that our children could become a victim of sexual abuse, because we would never allow them to be exposed to these dangers. However, unfortunately, sometimes it does happen.
Parents are responsible for the protection of their children, but it is essential to keep in mind that the only one to blame is the abuser. This figure is the creator of a power relationship, who uses the innocence of a minor, creating situations of opportunity to abuse. The majority of sexual abuse of minors is carried out by people close to them, who may even be family members.
In power relationships there is no equality, since the abuser uses the victim to manipulate and dominate him/her.
When does a person become a victim?
A person becomes a victim when he/she loses the freedom to decide what he/she wants or does not want to do, for fear of losing the affection of the person who has become his/her aggressor.
To free herself, the victim must defy fear and have the support of a person who acts as a protective figure, sensitive to her suffering and able to act by seeking help.
Traumatic experiences that are denied and hidden cause damage to the person, seriously affecting their development and self-esteem, preventing them from establishing healthy relationships and subjecting them to loss of freedom. For this reason, sexual abuse should always be reported.
It is important that the authorities are aware of the situation in order to defend the victim, applying punitive measures to the aggressors. However, victim protection must go beyond the legal sphere, as the victim and her family need psychological care to address the symptoms of abuse.
Advice for parents
When, as parents, we suspect sexual abuse, we should think about what our son or daughter needs to hear from us, listen carefully and believe him or her. It is very difficult for someone to make something like this up.
The best form of prevention is to strengthen family relationships from a very young age, giving children the tools to have a good self-esteem, feeling safe and valuable. In this way, we can prevent them from being trapped in relationships of power and dependence.
It is essential to work on the concept of intimacy, because within each family a series of rules and forms of coexistence are created that grant or limit permissions. As children grow up, we teach them to be autonomous, and the more autonomous they are, the more likely it is that they will naturally learn the concept of privacy. For this reason, from the age of two it is important to warn them that no one can touch them under their underwear.
Between the ages of 3 and 8, we can take the opportunity to show them, in a very natural way, that falling in love and giving each other kisses of love is something for grown-ups, warning them that it is not appropriate for an adult to approach children in this way. We must warn them that, if this happens, they must tell about it. To achieve this, we can explain to them the different forms of love and affection that exist.
We must keep in mind that when a boy or girl grows up, his or her psychosexual development also progresses. In this way, he or she learns to recognize the different signals of his or her body, discovering sexual self-stimulation in a natural way. When this happens, we should never give this fact a negative connotation. However, we can explain to them that it is something to be done in privacy, because it is something private for him or her.
When a boy or girl enters preadolescence, he or she experiences a hormonal change and his or her body transforms and becomes eroticized. Although this is a normal process, new anxieties, complexes and feelings of shame about his or her body appear. We should never mock or ridicule them for their physical changes, but rather we should encourage them so that they can understand that they should not do anything in their affective and couple relationships for which they do not feel prepared or ready.
GREEN EYES. Story about prevention of sexual abuse
“Green eyes. A story about sexual abuse prevention” is a free downloadable story for children ages 6 to 12 that tells the story of a child who has been exposed to sexual abuse. It tells in first person the feelings of a person trapped in a relationship of power. It is a story that aims to reach out to anyone who has been sexually abused to learn to recognize the harm suffered and to seek psychological help, freeing them from stigma and shame.