Self-esteem, one of the great problems in Psychology, is the set of opinions, ideas, images and emotions that shape the valuation we have about ourselves in the different aspects of our life: who we are, what we deserve or what we are capable of.
The development of self-esteem is located during childhood and adolescence. The causes of low self-esteem lie in upbringings and educations based on valuation, that is, in frequently valuing the child, either positively or negatively, in his or her behaviors, tendencies or opinions. The imbalance towards criticism further increases the likelihood of low self-esteem in a child or adolescent. In many cases, life becomes a “I have to be” in a particular way, regardless of whether the person is like that or not, or wants to be like that or not.
A child deserves to be loved unconditionally by those closest to him, no matter what he does. This does not imply total permissiveness. Limits should be set by caregivers and family members in a firm and loving manner, and, above all, without questioning the child as a whole. An unconditional and firm approach allows the child the freedom to be who he/she is but respecting the limits with the outside world and with the other people around him/her.
Consequences of low self-esteem
Low self-esteem generates wide-ranging problems in almost all areas of a person’s life. It is a source of much anxiety and blocks people when they must make decisions or take action. In addition, it hinders the relationship with others, either by a compulsive search for approval or by reactive behaviors for fear of rejection.
Treatment of low self-esteem
The work is very much based on the relationship with the therapist, discovering in a non-judgmental way how the person really is, and helping him/her to accept him/herself in all his/her aspects. This unprejudiced dialogue with the psychologist allows to build an identity of one’s own and facilitates the ability to show oneself to the world as one is.
In consultation we also work on the importance of acting coherently with what we feel and what we think. This, when done persistently, helps us to reinforce respect for our emotions, our ideas, our personality and our unique vision of the world.
The goal is to help the person to see that living in his or her own skin is better than living in the skin that others reflect or that our own internalized judgment forces us to live in, and that it is possible to live well in this world by being, no more and no less, ourselves.
For more information on working with self-esteem, see www.vfcounselling.com.